Growing Through Grief — A Seed to Vase Story (Alison's Story)

A little over two years ago, Alison Cutland received the news that no parent would ever want to hear. Her darling daughter had died in highly unusual circumstances whilst on an internship in Madagascar as part of her degree at Cambridge.

Having passed away in a way that couldn't possibly have been foreseen, the grief and loss felt by her family was monumental. It still is.

Alison and I were talking via Zoom. She was in her car outside a hotel having delivered a training session for work. I was on the farm (as per).

Her strength and tenacity amazed me. As a mother myself, I cannot imagine the grief and heartbreak she has felt. But here she is, taking each day as it comes — and growing beautiful flowers while she's at it.

"Life still seems difficult. But every so often I take a breath and look at how far I have come in the last two years."

The admiration I have for Alison is huge. I think she's amazing. To keep going through the loss of a child and to have come as far as she has is just incredible.

"I've learned to be kind to myself, to take time for myself. Small as it is, I'm proud to say I've managed to get out of bed each day." "There were times when I thought I couldn't carry on. But every day I woke up, my heart beating. So I had to carry on for myself, for my husband, for my son, and for Alana."

The allotment

With her youngest child having flown the nest for university, the last two years has seen Alison completely throw herself into charity work and growing her own cut flowers.

"I have always quite liked gardening. I'm not a huge gardener, but I have always loved flowers."

She followed the journey of a YouTuber who had acquired some land and decided to use it to grow cut flowers. Alison started her own lockdown growing journey, growing dahlias and cosmos from seed. The growing bug had truly bitten.

"I got to the point where I wanted more space but moving to a new house is not an option, so I applied for an allotment."

The lease on her own allotment space was signed in January 2021 — which coincided with her coming across an advertisement for the Cut Flower Collective.

"I decided that if I was going to grow, I was going to do it properly, so I signed up."

Alison joined the Seed to Vase course as part of the 2021 intake, immersing herself in the community and her growing journey fully.

"I have picked up so many tips along the way — the whole experience has given me a real sense of joy. Sometimes, I just sit back and say to myself 'look at what I've achieved'. I am just so proud."

As she should be. The pictures of Alison's allotment are just breath-taking.

Weeding as meditation

"Most people hate weeding, but I just love it. You have to really think about what you're doing to make sure you only pull up the weeds. A good stint of weeding allows me to completely zone out. It's so rewarding and is wonderfully mindful."

It is well documented that gardening is good for mental health. Studies have shown how it can help alleviate the symptoms of dementia, reduce stress, boost confidence and self-esteem. In Alison, I can see how it's helped her too.

"You don't notice with your own mental health just how you improve day to day. But when you look back over a long period of time you can see how much you've come along. I can cope with things I couldn't before, and I think growing has helped that."

The Alana Cutland Bursary

It's not only on her allotment that she has been growing hope. In the wake of Alana's passing, Alison and her husband threw their grief into setting up a charity in their daughter's name. The Alana Cutland Bursary was set up with two key aims: to rebuild a school in Madagascar as a way of saying thank you for their support in the wake of their daughter's passing; and to raise money to help women studying at Cambridge receive the support they need to work on projects that do good across the world.

With an initial goal of £5,000, the bursary has raised more than £35,000 and shows no sign of slowing down.

"Alana was passionate about women and their roles in society — so part of her legacy is a fund that finances girls that study at Cambridge to go off and do projects to help others."

"I am proud to say that the Alana Cutland project has helped so many people — it's a wonderful legacy."

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Alison's story of profound grief and strength has touched me deeply. To know that she has found such solace in growing is something so incredibly special.

"The grief is always there; it never goes away. But gardening — it helps me reset my stress levels, gives me direction and purpose, and helps me to cope. I stand at my plot and think 'wow' — it's made a big difference."

This blog first appeared in my book, Seed to Vase. Read more stories from past students: Sharayna on a London rooftop.